In my son’s baby book there was a little section where you were supposed to write news headlines around the time your baby was born. I don’t remember everything I wrote, but I wrote something about a “Corona Virus” in January of 2020 when my son was born. Oh the things I didn’t know then that I know now… I became a working mom in April of 2020 right as the world changed. I have personally learned some lessons I wish I could go back and warn myself about… and I wish there were some reassurances I could give myself. Here are ten things that come to mind.
1) Choose your “Yeses” Carefully
Saying yes to something at work means saying no to something at home (and vis versa). Choose your “yeses” carefully.
2) Efficiency Becomes Key
Working the way you did pre-kids isn’t sustainable. You can’t (healthily) remain working the way you used to pre-kids and that’s ok – working as a mom will expose any and all inefficiencies you had about the way you worked before.
3) Being a Mom Can Make You Better at Your Job
The skills that make you a good parent translate pretty well to project management and mentorship. Give people breaks. You don’t know what they have going on outside of work just like you don’t really know what kind of day your toddler had at daycare. Do your best to believe in them as their parents probably believe in them and want them to succeed and have a good mentor at work.
4) Remember It IS Just a Job
Working might not always be something that “recharges” you and makes you excited to expend energy with your kids after a long time. Sometimes it wears you down and the depleted version of yourself is what your kids get after a long day… but things ebb and flow. The phase won’t last forever… and despite what people may say… it IS just a job right now and that is ok! The people that tell you to treat your job like a “career” and not just a job probably don’t have the newfound priorities you have. I recently listened to this podcast and it really spoke to me.
5) Maybe Nobody Can Care For Your Child As Well As You
I’d say I’m a very type A person. Feeling unsatisfied about who is responsible for watching my children during the day is not uncommon for my. I try to remind myself that it might feel a lot worse if I felt like someone else was able to take care of my kid better than me… but alas I do not have a Time-Turner clock… I can’t do everything… which brings me to my next point –
6) BUT Trust Your Gut
If your gut tells you that your childcare situation isn’t good change it asap without any fears of hurting peoples feelings or wasting deposits. Work is more satisfying when you feel good about your childcare situation. You are now your child’s advocate and you know your child best. My postpartum doula gave me the best advice and I try to think of this advice whenever I struggle with people pleasing tendencies – “You will never regret standing up for the type of parenting you believe in.” AKA – You only really regret going along with other people’s parenting advice despite your gut instinct. 🙂
7) Daycare Gives More Than Socialization
IT GIVES GERMS. Your kids will get sick… and they will get you sick too… and sometimes it just feels like you are barely scraping by as a working mom. Do your best to surround yourself with people that give you grace when you don’t think you can give yourself any. Try your best to remember this is normal and they are building a better immune system for when they are in Kindergarten.
8) Mean People Suck Worse than Before
You’ll have less tolerance for working with rude people and feel more empowered to set boundaries and speak up for your needs… after all if you wanted someone to be mean to you there’s a threenager at home that can do that, save you the cost of childcare, and you at least love him! (I kid… sort of!)
9) Some Things Will Have to Be Accepted
Acceptance is a skill that will be built. I think if pre-mom me saw how many unread emails I have right now, she’d think we weren’t the same person… You will have to find a way to accept not being great at everything – despite how other may make it look, you can’t be the perfect mom, the perfect PM, perfect designer, perfect spouse, eat perfectly healthy and take perfect care of yourself all at once. There’s days it’s still hard for me to accept it, but it’s ok!
10) You Get Predictable Breaks at Work (usually)
Sometimes you’ll feel like your job is way easier than taking care of your kid and that’s ok too. A newfound respect for SAHMs is absolutely something that helps you grow as a kinder, more empathetic human. After all, you have plenty of experience doing your job but everyday is a new experience at watching a child at their specific age!
